The Pull Out Method

The awesome Mt. Atlanticus Minotaur mini-golf course in Myrtle Beach. This is the kind of crazy I can get behind.

South Carolina! Land of mini-golf and nice beaches and NASCAR. I love that MSNBC is touting today’s primary on their homepage as the “South’s first primary.” As if the South is its own country. Y’all, that battle done been fought and lost and you would be well-served to stop feeding the “South Will Rise Again” narrative that lies just below the surface of most goings on south of Richmond, Virginia. Okay?

Remember, the good folks of SC have the Confederate flag flying over in front of their state capital building. So you’re playin’ with fire here. And I say all this as a (reluctant) Southerner, born and raised. Though I did get the hell out of Dodge as fast as I could after high school.

So a few predictions for tonight’s craziness:

1. Whatever the fuck happens, Newt will declare victory. I’m telling you, even if he loses by 10 points (which Nate Silver says ain’t very likely), he’ll get up there and blast the media and shout about how much ground he was able to make up so fast. He will call Romney a “Massachusetts Moderate.” He may even whip out the “I will beat President Food Stamps in a debate” garbage, especially if he wins.

2.  Romney will lose, then claim that his campaign’s goal was merely to be competitive. There’s some great stuff out there today about Mittens’ attempts to “manage” expectations and to manufacture momentum by busing in Mormon college students from Virginia and DC to make his rallies look fired up and ready to go. I’m puzzled as to why Mittens said yesterday that he was “cautiously optimistic” about winning today; but then I also have no idea why he told right-wing radio host Laura Ingram yesterday that “of course the economy is getting better” when his entire campaign is based on the notion that Mitt is the only one who can SAVE the economy. Which would appear, by his own admission, to not need saving. Truly bizarre.

3. Santorum will finish last (ahem) and yet refuse to withdraw from the race. Despite all of the press nonsense last week about his “momentum” in SC, Rick is going nowhere fast. He’ll go on to Florida, but you have to wonder how much money they have on hand–FL is an expensive media market and the primary is almost always defined by TV ads. We shall see.