10 Things I Never Thought I’d Learn In Grad School

1. How to spell “Apocalypse.”
2. What it’s like to go to your student’s funeral.
3. How to drink bourbon straight.
4. That I’m really good at writing porn.
5. That cats can get asthma.
6. What it’s like to get a tattoo. Or two.
7. That I’m a kick-ass teacher of literature.
8. That writing at its best is always a collaboration.
9. That Twitter is my lifeblood.
10. That academia may not be for me.